


All I Care About Is Socks

by RJLupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Broadway, Comedy, Filk, Freedom, Gen, Hogwarts Fourth Year, House Elves, Humor, Parody, Socks, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 11:29:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2268072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RJLupin/pseuds/RJLupin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone knows Dobby loves socks, but maybe we didn't know just how much he loves socks... Dobby attempts to cheer a grieving Winky by telling her about how great socks are! A filk to the tune of "All I Care About Is Love" from the musical Chicago.</p><p>Dobby wants to wear a nice attire<br/>Free to wear what inspires<br/>Hogwarts is great<br/>All I care about is socks</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Care About Is Socks

**Author's Note:**

> "All I Care About Is Socks" to the tune of "All I Care About Is Love" from the 1996 Broadway revival version of Chicago.
> 
> Originally filked in 2004. Basically the same if you've only heard the movie version of this song, but Dobby gets an extra monologue in this one.

_SCENE:_  
Winky sits sad and upset in the Kitchens of Hogwarts, very depressed because she is not serving Mr. Crouch anymore. Dobby, being the optimistic elf that he is, soon comes over and tries to console her with his new things from having freedom  
  
 **Winky:**  
I want Barty  
Give me Barty  
M-A-S-T-E-R  
Good I'll be  
He's my kind of a boss  
But, ooh, I cry  
'Cause where is he?  
  
 **Dobby:**  (spoken)  
Winky! Barty Crouch is not your master anymore. Now you work for Professor Dumbledore! You gets to have fun and get money if you want! Clothes too! But you know what the best part is?  
 **Winky:**  (spoken)  
What?  
 **Dobby:**  (spoken)  
Socks!  
  
 _And Dobby sings, dancing around, showing off his socks as the other elves look at him strangely_  
  
 **Dobby**  
Though I like to see some brand new clothes  
Sunglasses on my nose  
Those can't compare  
All I care about is socks!  
My favorite clothing!  
  
Dobby don't care for teatowel rags  
Old and plain, plus they sag  
No, no not me  
All I care about is socks!  
  
 **Winky:**  
All you care about is socks?!  
  
 **Dobby:**  
Show me two  
Socks of blue  
Really stinking, oh P.U.!  
When I clean them just like new  
It's a pair of socks for me or you!  
  
Dobby wants to wear a nice attire  
Free to wear what inspires  
Hogwarts is great  
All I care about is socks  
  
 _Dobby stops his odd dancing for a second, and stands, looking at the elves, who all seem to be utterly bewildered to his actions. He stands on one of the tables, looks at them all and speaks)_  
  
 **Dobby:**  (spoken)  
Now maybe you think Dobby is just talking about Harry Potter's bloody, muddy, slimey sock that he gave to Dobby to set Dobby free. Well, Dobby isn't. There are other kinds of socks too. Like individual toe socks! Neon socks! Fruity smelling socks! Polka-dot socks! That's the kind of socks Dobby is talking about!  
  
 _He stops his loud and proud speech for a second and tilts his head, and speaks a little lower_  
  
...And Harry Potter's sock isn't so bad either.  
  
 _Dobby smiles, hops off the table, and begins whistling as he skips around the kitchens_  
  
 **Winky:**  
Dobby, you're sick!  
 **Dobby:**  
But all I care about is socks!  
Aren't they pretty?  
 **Winky:**  
Get him help, quick!  
All he cares about is socks!  
 **Dobby:**  
All I care about is socks!  
  
Show me a pair of socks  
Woolen one, the other spots  
When I put them on my feet  
Keep your sweater, this just can't be beat!  
  
I don't care for any short or shirt  
Hat or sweater, keep your skirt  
No no, not me!  
  
All I care about  
Is getting a cloth right  
Down on both my feet  
It's striped or plain  
It still is a treat  
All I care about is....  
Socks!!!  
  
 _During the last section, Dobby has triumphantly ran around showing his socks to the elves, who look at the sock in a repulsive manner and make a face. At the end, he stands with a different sock in each hand, triumphant looking, until Winky grabs a sock from one of his hands and throws it into his face._


End file.
